At what point precisely does a situation become awkward? I’ve been in so many awkward situations that I should change my name to Awkward D. Fluffnstuff. My way of working through this type of thing is to laugh inappropriately. It doesn’t really lighten up the situation…it’s just something to do other than stand there looking half stupid. I won’t lie. There have been times when I’ve staged an awkward situation just to test someone’s mettle. Don’t judge me.
So what exactly makes a situation awkward? Well, I’ve put together a little list here. You can write this down, make a copy, print it out, mail some flyers. Let the people know. Some awkward situations can be avoided. Others become the legends that we read about in books and have no control over whatsoever.
Okay, here we go. My top 20:
1) Pooping in public.
2) Accidental cough-n-pees.
3) Parental sexuality.
4) Holding the door open when the person is a little too far away.
5) Being orally assaulted by a racist cab driver.
6) You say goodbye to someone and walk off in the same direction.
7) When someone goes for the high-five and you hug them.
8) Eavesdropping on conversations and laughing out loud at the funny stuff.
9) Asking someone “Oh! When are you due?”….and she’s not pregnant.
10) Long elevator rides.
11) Falling down in public. (This is funny if you’re not the faller)
12) You walk up to a group of people and they all stop talking.
13) Talking to a man whose fly is wide open.
14) Encounters with close talkers.
15) Being questioned about Jesus.
16) Tooting during a professional massage. Clearing your throat or coughing doesn’t help.
17) The gym, in general.
18) Laughing at a funeral and not being able to stop. Pretending you’re crying doesn’t help.
19) The person in front is walking slightly slower than you are. You walk at an uncomfortable speed to get past them.
20) Knowing damn well your friend ain’t reading no text when you walk by.