Street Monkeys: Overdoses, Gang Fights and Tomfoolery

I couldn’t make this up.  Well, I could…but the Smithsonian Channel got to it before me.  Their new series, “Street Monkeys” takes the cake, ya’ll!  Makes me wanna move to Africa and buy a million dollar house in the exclusive golf community where these monkeys are wreaking havoc.

And these monkeys ain’t zoo monkeys.  They be thugs.  Breaking and entering, gang fighting, sexual harassment, girl-fights, drug binges. Oh, it’s seedy!  Now for the gang names.  You ready?  Because this is hard-core stuff here.  The Pani Gang (pronounced pantie)…vs. The Sugar Cane Gang.  *shudder*.

For those of you who aren’t inclined to watch the Smithsonian Channel, I’ll give you the cliff-notes on the current drama and the perpetrators.  The show airs on Sunday nights:

BESS
Rank: Alpha female
Distinguishing Feature: Chunk missing from right ear
Most Likely to Be Seen: Protecting the troops. A born leader, Bess makes the rules and defends the turf.  Not to mention she’ll scratch you in the face if you get out hand.

BRAIN
Rank: Alpha male
Distinguishing Feature: Small kink in his tail
Most Likely to Be Seen: Gettin’ it on with the ladies.

GIZMO
Rank: Second male in command – Sugar Cane Gang
Distinguishing Feature: White flash on forehead
Most Likely to Be Seen: Where he shouldn’t be. A scout for the Sugar Cane Gang, Gizmo sneaks into enemy territory to spy on the Pani Troop.

HALF-TAIL
Rank: Second female in command
Distinguishing Feature: Half a tail
Most Likely to Be Seen: Brown-nosing.  She’s all about tryin’ to be like Bess.  Copy cat.

MFAZI
Rank: Subordinate female
Distinguishing Feature: Low brow, missing bottom lip (torn off by Bess)
Most Likely to Be Seen: Groveling for Bess’ forgiveness, then disrupting the order of the troop again.  A triflin’ heifer who might be mentally challenged.

MR. COOL
Rank: Second male in command
Distinguishing Feature: Crooked back foot
Most Likely to Be Seen: Vying for Bess’ attention and bribing the kids with candy in an effort to attain alpha male status.  He usually winds up with the dumb chick…Mfazi.

ROBBIE
Rank: Low ranking male
Distinguishing Feature: Scar above left eye
Most Likely to Be Seen: Playing the waiting game. New to the scene, Robbie is timid, cautious and mindful of his rank.

TYSON
Rank: Subordinate male
Distinguishing Feature: Half a tail
Most Likely to Be Seen: Alone on the sidelines. With a reputation for being a thug, Tyson lives the life of an outcast.

WINGNUT
Rank: Juvenile male
Distinguishing Feature: Ear sticking out
Most Likely to Be Seen: Everywhere! Young and curious with much to learn, he’s always into something he shouldn’t be.  Like that time he overdosed on birth-control pills and cologne.  Toxic, Wingnut…toxic.

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