Dolls and Peeing Dogs

Cute, right?  Barbie….the little puppies…awww.  WRONG!  Not cute at all.  Barbie lays down some paper for her wittle pups…then the pups come over and pee all over the paper and beautiful pictures and colors appear!!  Wow-wee!  Can you believe it?!  Because this is what happens, right?  Your new little puppy pees on paper and makes beautiful art.

No.  New little puppies pee all over your house, resulting in you having to replace the carpet and tell people they can’t come in your house anymore because the urine stench is unbearable.  Who ARE these people making these decisions?!  I’ll bet they smoke weed.  They all sit around a conference table and pass around a blunt….the ideas start flowing like cider…next thing you know, we’re buying our kids peeing pups and street-walkers all in the name of good fun.

Seriously though…I’d love to be a guest on their panel.  I’ve got some ideas of my own that are fairly catchy and marketable.  Such as:

1)  Carl the Crack-head Spends the Night! ~ comes with his very own crack-pipe and sleeping bag.  Pull the string and he pees his pants. Tons ‘o fun to be had by all!

2)  Polly the Pick-Pocket: Stealing has never been so fun!

3)  Homeless Hannah:  Looking for a good home and a hot meal!  Her legs even bend.  She comes with nothing.

4)  Bipolar Brianna:  She hates you and you shouldn’t buy her because she’s worthless anyway.

5)  Doug the Fairy:  Use your imagination to remove Doug’s face stubble and Adam’s apple.  Great for grown-ups too!

I’ll be waiting for your phone call, Mattel.  Holla back!

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