Fear

“It is not that you must be free from fear.  The moment you try to
free yourself from fear, you create a resistance against fear.
Resistance, in any form, does not end fear.  What is needed, rather
than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other
resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about
it, come directly into contact with it.  We are to learn about fear, not
how to escape from it, not how to resist it through courage and so on.”

~J. Krishnamurti

Everyone knows I’m scared of clowns.  I’m not really sure where the fear originated from, really.  I do remember there were clowns on my little hospital gown when I had my tosillectomy at four years of age.  Who knows.  What I do know is that in recent years, I’ve faced that fear.

When I first met my husband, he informed me on the way to meet his parents for the first time…”My mom collects clowns.  Tons of them.  They’re everywhere.  In every room.  You like clowns, right?”

I just about said, “PULL OVER AND LET ME OUT!”  But I held it together.  When my mother-in-law learned of my fear….god bless her….she’d hide the clowns when I came to visit.  She doesn’t have to hide the clowns anymore.  For Christmas I found two vintage clown dolls and gave them to her.  They sat in my closet for a few months….looking at me.  I don’t even mind the clown that sits perched up in the corner of the shower stall.  If I’m feeling bloated, I may turn him around so his eyes are spared.  This is progress people!!

I think most people’s reaction is to turn and run the other way when Fear comes lurking.  It’s almost a natural response.  I used to be terrified of spiders.  My mom (and you know you did this, Ma!!!) used to threaten to throw a jar of spiders on me if I pinched my brother’s ears one more time.  That would keep me in check for about an hour.

Now I don’t mind them so much.  When we first moved into our house, I found a small black spider in the Birdcage (My creation room).  I just about stomped him….until I looked at him real close.  Truth be told, the little bugger was a tad bit on the cute side!!  So, he hangs out in there.  We live in peace, side by side.  I saw him yesterday.  He was chilling on my sewing machine.

Black widow’s in particular are the scariest.  So while I refused to get a real Black Widow…I did do a drawing of one.  You’d be surprised how something like drawing your fear helps you deal with it and somewhat understand it.

I no longer let my fears control my life.  I also know that my fears will never go away.  I’m thinking that our fears may be a part of us in order to teach us some very important lessons about ourselves.  I also don’t find it necessary to do something reckless just to prove I’m not scared.

There’s a joke in our family that my 80-year-old Grandpa has found the fountain of youth…he seems to look younger the older he gets.  He bears a strong resemblance to Norman Vincent Price.  You know…The Pit and the Pendulum guy?  Very scary.  But I’ve never been scared of my Grandpa because he looks like a scary person.  I kind of look at it butt-backwards.  Norman Vincent Peale doesn’t seem so scary because he looks like someone I love and admire.

So to wrap up this little fear post, I’ll end with the words of Vincent himself:

“Fear can infect us early in life until eventually it cuts a deep groove of apprehension in all our thinking.  To counteract it, let faith, hope and courage enter your thinking.  Fear is strong, but faith is stronger yet.”

~Norman Vincent Price



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