Opposite of Woe: Giddy Up?

So I broke down and called my pdoc for a med increase.  I’ve been putting it off.  Nothing sucks more than having to tinker around with your head meds, but the wobbles haven’t gotten any better…so it’s up with the Lamictal!  Sometimes I hesitate to ramble about my bouts with depression.  Other times I’m like, “I’m fixin’ to blind ya’ll with science!”

But what’s been my motto…my outspoken creed?  Transparency.  Unfiltered.  Unashamed.  So it doesn’t embarrass me to stand here today and admit that I’ve been so depressed that I cry when a Kotex commercial comes on.  Yeah, I don’t care.  I said it.  Ridicule if you must.  My livin-low homies know what I’m talking about.

I find it amusingly odd that Reader’s Digest always happens to be lying around in places you’d rather not be.  ICU waiting rooms…psych waiting rooms….the Ramada Inn.  But when I was a kid, the first thing I’d do upon spying a Reader’s Digest was go straight for the only decent section…”Laughter, the Best Medicine”.  An old adage, but true.  It tends to unnerve people when they hear depressed or mentally ill people cracking jokes about themselves.  They tend to walk away swiftly, muttering “That is SO wrong. And sad.  Wrong and sad.  I’m going straight home and calling the prayer chain.”

Thankfully, my pdoc has a grand sense of humor and doesn’t mind when I rearrange the faces of her oddly massive collection of Mr. Potato Heads.  She tends to scare people who aren’t dead serious about being well.  She makes no bones about letting you know that the burden of responsibility is on YOU…she’s just there to make sure you’re headed in the right direction with coping skills and mental/emotional balance.  A swell pdoc to be sure!

So…that being said…all ya’ll who just can’t stomach Mental Health Humor…I suggest you turn away.  Go eat a waffle or something.  I ain’t mad atcha.

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* A guy goes to see a psychiatrist at the adamant bidding of his family.  He lays there on the couch and spills his guts, waiting for a profound diagnosis.  The psychiatrist listens closely, taking notes…then sits with a puzzled look upon his face.  After a couple minutes, he looks up with the expression of delight and said:  “”Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers.”

*  I’ve always been a hypochondriac. As a little boy, I’d eat my M&M’s one by one with a glass of water.

*  Psychiatrist to his nurse:
Just say we’re very busy. Don’t keep saying it’s a madhouse.

*  Why do you prefer Alzheimer disease to Parkinson disease?
Because it’s better to forget to pay the beer than to spill it.

*  How can you distinguish the staff from the patients in the asylum?
The staff has the door key.

*  Client: “Everybody ignores me. ”
Doctor: “Next, please.”

*  Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world, where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says the treatment is simple. The great clown Terrifini is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up. Man bursts into tears: “But doctor . . . I am Terrifini!”

*  Are you Bipolar rapid cycler? Here are my Top 5 Ways to find out.

  • #5 –  You love to ride your bike, but only over hills.
  • #4 – You try to use the elevator to adjust your mood swings.
  • #3 – You are so happy about getting a gift all you do is cry.
  • #2 – Your social calendar is broken up into 4 quarters around your moods.
  • #1 – You find yourself replacing your break pads every few months because you stop and go, stop and go, stop and go…

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