Ugly Christmas Sweaters

Okay, I’m going to hope my Aunt Linda isn’t reading this.  If she IS reading this, then I apologize profusely for what I’m about to say.  Truly, I mean no harm.

I come from an abnormally large family.  Huge.  We send out a newsletter every 2-3 months…whenever my mom gets around to collecting gossip and typing the thing up.  Anyway…when we were kids, we used to draw names out of all kinds of things.  Bowls, hats, shoes.  And without fail, Aunt Linda’s kids always drew my name.  My cousins.  Three of them.  Now, we all know it’s the mom that does the shopping.  Although looking back on things now…it could have very well been my cousin “Moose” playing a cruel and inhumane trick on me.

After about the 7th year of this nonsense, gift swapping lost its luster.  Because every year I got the same thing.  An ugly sweater vest.  Not a full sweater.  But a vest.  I could never bring myself to question my Aunt on the origin of this apparel.  I just didn’t want to know.

My mom told me to be nice and that I should be thankful for my vest…because there were kids in our very city who were starving without a vest and my ungrateful rear end failed to acknowledge this type of thing.  The cruelest part is that my mom would make me wear those vests to places like church.  Grocery shopping.  Family reunions on my dad’s side.  School.

The day I turned 18, I bagged up the vests and hauled them down to the Save-a-Soul Mission so that they could live on in the hearts of many.  I can hear my Aunt now.  “Oh, April Lynn.  Those were pretty sweaters!  Anyway, I thought you loved them because every time I saw you, you’d have one on.”

Yeah.  Thank my mom for that.  So without further smack-talking…here’s a plethora of ugliness for you to feast your eyes upon.  If you own any of these pictured sweaters, then I apologize for the offense; however, I will still laugh and point.


3 Responses

  1. Oh how I love that these sweaters exist in such abundance that you could have posted hundreds more photos and not once repeated a single sweater.
    Bummer about your present.
    The Christmas sweater vest is pretty horrendous.

  2. Shocking photos!!!!

  3. hahahaha My friends and I are throwing an Ugly Christmas Sweater party. Everyone must wear one and whomever has the ugliest wins a special prize!

    Great post… I fortunately was never subjected to such Christmas humiliation… I had big hair and big giant bows forced upon me (year round I might add).

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