The Trash That Makes Me Chuckle

Sometimes, when I’m filling out useless trivia quizzes online, I come across the request, “Describe your sense of humor.”

When asked to make this description, I usually lean back in my chair and start rapidly banging my pen against my chin whilst staring at the ceiling, muttering..”Hmm….describe my sense of humor, describe my sense of humor. I dunno….whack?”

I think it’s safe to say that what makes me chuckle is so far off the beaten path you’d need GPS, a compass and a pygmy guide to find it. It’s been called everything from crass and vile to a breath of fresh air. Most Republicans cringe when I crack a joke. Not all of them….mostly those who part their hair on the side and call themselves Freewill Baptists. They don’t like me one single bit. Where’s the unconditional love, people? Eh?

So instead of trying to find the appropriate verbage to describe my sense of fun and jolly times….I’ll just make a list of things that have made me laugh. Then you can come up with your OWN word for it.

Ahem.

I laughed when…

* I saw a man eat his own face in Moline, Ilinois at the Village Inn. He ordered the Big Salad with French dressing on the side. Then he ripped off his face, piece by piece…and ate it. I should’ve know something was fixing to go down when the waitress came over, rolled her eyes and said, “Guys, on behalf of the Village Inn, we apologize for what you are about to see.”

* I saw a big country woman pull a fish up out a pay-pond and whack it dead with a rubber mallet and throw it in a paint bucket. In front of small children. It was one of those “Catch ’em and Eat ’em” places up in the hills.

* Whenever people fall down. I’ll help them up…but I’m laughing.

* Boy babies who pee in their own face.

* Jumping off a see-saw and watching the other rider smash into the ground.

* My cousin fell off a tire swing and busted up her tailbone….crawling on the ground begging for her Daddy to come help her. I would have loved to help her. But I couldn’t because I was laughing too hard. I think my aunt might have sent me home.

* When people aren’t paying attention and walk into telephone poles and glass doors.

* When people trip off an escalator and look around, hoping no one saw. But I saw. And they know I saw. Because I’m laughing.

* People who burn their lips on hot coffee.

* When children embarrass their wealthy parents by best-friending a kid who shops at K-mart and wears Payless shoes.

* I laugh when people ask for directions. There’s just something funny about someone being completely lost.

* When the mail person gets chased by an animal. Any animal.

* When the Schwan man gets pissed after he drove all the way out to your dilapidated farm house because you assured him you had the money this time to buy those frozen pizza burgers.

* People who wear Prada and don’t know they tucked the back of their skirt all up in their underpants.

* People who drop things in grocery stores and make huge messes.

*  Watching someone stuck in a rainstorm without an umbrella.

*  Passive-Aggressive cab hailers.
* Helen, Georgia. Google it.

 

Okay, that’s enough of that.

Advertisements

3 Responses

  1. Okay. Now I HAVE to go to Helen Georgia. Thanks so much for that:-)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: