My Kid is a Liar

All kids lie.  I know this.  But when it becomes pathological and blatant…it’s disturbing.  For instance:  The pictures above?  Yeah, I found those on my camera after my kid swore on her American Girl’s life and a stack of bibles that she had NOT touched my camera.  Like I wouldn’t find this out?!  And look at her snide little face!  It’s insulting and condescending.

What’s it going to be like when she hits the tweens?  I know I need to prepare for it…but most of my brain doesn’t want to imagine the type of lying scenarios that will likely go down.

“No, mom!  I swear to Granny that I didn’t sneak out of the window last night and go hang out with a homeless man, who was NOT a stranger because he offered me something to drink.”

I take minimal comfort in knowing that I’m smarter than her.  I think.  But will I be one of those Mama Snoops?  The ones who root through their kid’s drawers and pockets while they’re away at school.  I don’t want to be that mom.  But over the weekend, I came upon something while cleaning her room that jarred me to the bone.

She’s a slob.  I won’t deny it.  So I expected to find the usual junk.  Stale cheerios, lip-gloss smeared all over the bookcase, Gushers with no gush in the middle.

What I did NOT expect to find were sugar packets hidden like bags of crack cocaine.  I found close to 15 of them…hidden in the trunk of Strawberry Shortcake’s car, in the Squinkie gum-ball machine, up Tinker Bell’s dress, inside of a Happy Meal toy that was inside an old Christmas tin that was at the bottom of her toy-box.  A few of them were shoved under the flaps of her Fisher Price pop-up book and I found the last few in Polly Pocket’s horse trailer.

I was appalled.  Frightened. Befuddled.  So as I’m standing there waving a sugar packet in front of her face, all I’m thinking is, “In a few years, this sugar packet is gonna be a fat bag of weed.”

Of course, she reminded me that these were mere allegations and ran outside to harass the cat.  I used to worry about her being imprisoned for life due to her committing some whack and heinous crime.  After witnessing her not-guilty plea to Mom vs. Liar, I’m convinced she could hoodwink the most experienced and seasoned prosecutor on the circuit.  With aplomb.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love my kid.  But she’s killing me, people….and there ain’t nothin’ soft about it.


2 Responses

  1. You are hilarious. That looks and sounds like exactly what my young teens would do. When the time comes. Snoop. If she isn’t hiding anything it isn’t a problem. You are responsible for her safety. She gets the right to a little privacy with the little lease on her first little apartment that she is paying for with money from her own little job. In the meantime, you enjoy the luxury of the earliest possible notice of potential dangers she may decide to enjoy.

  2. Reminds me of mine sneaky sneaky! Great post!

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