Abercrombie and Hootch

Abercrombie & Fitch has unveiled their new ‘Ashley’ padded push-up bikini for the upcoming summer season.  I’m all about a push-up bikini.  I’m also all about a sucker-inner-stretch-mark-removing kind of bikini.  Still shopping around for that one.

Anway….the ‘Ashley’ isn’t for us old broads.  No.  It’s for the 6 year old in your life.  Or the 8 year old.  Depends on the size of the kid.  It’ll probably fit a 3 month old, truth be told.

My kid is just shy of 6 years old.  Not even after a glass of wine laced with Nyquil can I see her trotting around in this thing.  It’s too absurd!  I know that girls are maturing earlier and earlier….physically.  But are they mentally as advanced?  I mean, all because you’re wearing a C-cup in 4th grade doesn’t mean you’re a blooming genius.  I have my theories about why kids are maturing at mach speed.  Fluorescent lighting and microwaves.  Scoff if you will.  But I’m like a modern day Nostradamus when it comes to this stuff.


I prophecized the whole Lybia blow-up years ago.  I pointed out that a man who hangs out with a harem of bimbos in a pop-up tent CANNOT under any circumstance be trusted.  With anything.  Shoulda listened, people.  Shoulda listened.

I don’t know why we’re all surprised and aphalled by Abercrombie’s latest “sex sells” campaign.  Back in 2002 they started selling a range of thongs bearing the words ‘wink wink’ and ‘eye candy’ for the same age group.  Abercrombie Kids is so hard-core that they released this statement after all the scandalous slurs back in 2002:

‘The underwear for young girls was created with the intent to be lighthearted and cute. Any misrepresentation of that is purely in the eye of the beholder.’

Really?  What.  Are there a bunch of Helen Kellers over there in the production division?  I understand the need to be lighthearted and cute.  I’m not a complete prude.  But how ’bout put some frogs on the backside….or happy faces!  Unicorns and glitter!  Boycott the butt-floss!

Eh.  I could go on and on, but I’ll refrain.  I think I’ll go hide out under the clothes at Abercrombie and whisper “Pimp” to all the mamas who take the ‘Ashley’ off the rack.


3 Responses

  1. LOL!!! You have done it again. You have succeeded in making my day. Night. Um, whatever this awkward phase of time is. At any rate, I thank you.


  2. I agree TOTALLY let me know where and when I will join you . Any parent thinking this is acceptable should be …… I don’t know ! “Pimping their child ” and it is WRONG. Adult women should be allowed to love their bodies as they are! Why would a parent promote the feeling of ANY inadequacy in a LITTLE girl. Let’s let them BE CHILDREN until the are NOT! What’s next padded crotched boys swimwear?

  3. Well said and thanks for showing that I am not the only one in the blogosphere who is concerned towards the issue of selling and marketing sex to little kids.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: