The Push-Pop Trend

Looks like the long-standing cupcake trend has had a make-over.  And you know what?  I totally dig it!  I’m honked off that I didn’t think of this in the first place.  Of course, the first thing my cheap self thought when I saw these was, “Hope!  I can make push-ups with that cheap sherbet and my kid will never know they’re not the grossly over-priced rainbow ones!”

You can find these push-pop containers at the Layer Cake Shop (my fave place for baking supplies).  I can’t wait to make some of these myself.   These are a few that are inspiring me to binge on cake batter and sprinkles.  (Click on image to visit site).

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Dear Starbucks – Re: Trenta

Trenta: (Italian definition) – The number thirty (30).

Trenta: (Starbucks definition) – Thirty-one (31) ounces of legal crack

Dear Genius Boy of Starbucks:

After many hang-ups, call-backs and veiled threats of a restraining order, I was able to ascertain your identity from Pam in the mailroom.  I bribed her with free McDonald’s coffee for one year.  No skin off my nose.  I’ve got connections all over the place, sir.  McDonald’s being in my top five.  Free coffee is my weapon of choice and I’m not afraid to use it.  I’ve got Burger King on my payroll too…making me a DOUBLE threat.  You hear me?  DOUBLE.  That means two.

That being said, I’d like to now point out your ignorance.  It’s right over there.  Peeking out of that new gallon ‘o glutton ya’ll are calling “Trenta”.  I’m also impressed with your choice of beverage names, by the way. You got some Spanish words…some Italian words.  A few American words.  Mighty inclusive of you!

I know in this day and age, it’s all about one-up-man-ship.  But ya’ll have taken it to a whole new level with your homicidal Trenta.  I smell cardiac arrhythmia all over the place.  I’m talkin’ people tipping over on the sidewalk, clutching their chests and soiling themselves all at the same time, screaming, “Starbucks! Why?  Whyyyyy???”

I’ve spoken with several medical professionals and they all concur that the executives of Starbucks (this would include you, Genius Boy) had mothers who smoked crack, dropped acid and drank Mountain Dew during their entire pregnancies.  They’re all probably huddled up in some crack house right now, proudly swapping stories of their highly successful children who stop by every Tuesday at 6 a.m. with 12 cups ‘o joe.  They have no idea that this is hush-slush.  An executive’s worse nightmare is a crack-head with loose lips.

I’m afraid Trenta is ‘New Jack City 2″.  Smashed Trenta cups layin up in the gutters, fallin outta baby strollers.  Of course, you were probably too scared to go see the first New Jack City, weren’t you?  Afraid your mama mighta been there?  I don’t even care if I’m ghetto.  Ghetto is fabulous.  Ghetto speaks the truth.  Ghetto ain’t scared to come up in your store with their 85 year old Auntie Martha who can’t walk no more because her kidneys bleed like stuck pigs.  Her doctor say there ain’t a damn thing he can do ‘cept keep her comfortable.  Seems all this kidney business is a direct result of all ya’ll stupid people selling my Auntie your witch brew for 15 years.  Done went and rotted her from the inside out.  Maybe I’ll bring her up there to YOUR office and let her sit with you all day so you can see, smell, hear and taste what you’re doing to this country and it’s peoples.

Now you got my blood pressure boilin’. I ain’t even got nothin’ else to say to you.  Okay-kay?  Not a thing.  ‘Cept you can’t count.  31 ain’t 30, you female dawg.

Sincerely,

You Better Sleep With One Eye Busted Wide Open

Cc: Pam in the mailroom.  Hey, girl!  Good lookin’ out, yo!

Cccc:  All your crackhead mamas. Oh yes I did!

Shortcake and Short Dresses

Another Memorial Day come and gone.  I’ve felt like doo-doo the past few days so I didn’t stray too far from home.  After almost year of whining and foliage-related nightmares, the Husband finally massacred the rabid hydrangea bush that had been blocking the sun from the back half of our house since we bought the place.  The kid was in the pool all day and has developed an enviable hillbilly tan and an abnormal appetite for miniature pancakes (she ate 20 in one haul).

I made a massive strawberry shortcake parfait thingy…homemade whipped cream and everythang.  I pretty much ate the entire bowl.  There might me a couple of bites left….maybe.  I promise you they won’t be there when the sun rises tomorrow.

I also whipped up a sun dress for Cali.  I love this Debbie Mumm fabric.  So soft and thin you can barely feel it on your skin.  That’s pretty much the only kind of thing Cali will wear.  If it feels like she’s got clothes on…she doesn’t want to wear it.   (Where did she COME from, anyway?!)

‘Oceans of Fun’ starts tomorrow and I’ll be there to drop the kid off at least ten minutes early.  Woot!

Cupcakes in a Cone

 We made it through the first non-camp day of summer vacation.  Sat down and made out our schedule for the week.  It may sound a tad anal retentive, but I really have no choice in the matter.  The child functions best when on a semi-rigid schedule.  So…semi-rigid schedule it is.  I’m talking curriculum, planned activities and outings.  The whole nine yards.  Only I don’t get a paycheck.  Why else would I be taking an expensive multivitamin every day?  Certainly not for the fishy burps. 

So…after completely reenacting the Chipmunks Sequel and eating waffles, we made cupcakes in a cone.  I was grossly irresponsible and let my kid eat cake batter.  Raw eggs!!  I ate some too…that way if she got sick, I’d be puking right along with her.  Sensible decision, right?

It’s off to Turtle water park tomorrow…where I’ll sit baking in the sun, watching my kid roll around on wet concrete, happy as a clam in mud.  Yippee.

Tiaras, Gratitude and Oatmeal Cookies

I spent most of the morning yesterday baking cookies for my sweeter-than-sugar neighbor who surprised my daughter with a pillow case dress she’d made.  So I baked her up some hearts and tiaras.  I always use the Mrs. Fields sugar cookie recipe.  It’s the most awesome dough of all time.  You can find the recipe here.  The trick is to barely bake them.  The second the bottoms start to turn golden, get them out of there.  Even if they look “raw”…they firm up after cooling down.  Same goes for the oatmeal cookie recipe below.

Now.  Here is the best oatmeal cookie recipe EVER.  I’m not sure where I got the recipe, but here it is:

Oatmeal Cookies

*  2 cups all-purpose flour

*  1/2 tsp. baking powder

*  1 tsp. baking soda

*  1/2 tsp. salt

*  1/2 cup butter

*  1/2 cup vegetable oil

*  1 cup packed brown sugar

*  1 cup white sugar

*  2 eggs

*  3-4 cups quick cooking oats (dough will be thick)

1)  Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2)  Sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Set aside.

3)  In medium bowl, cream the butter, oil, brown sugar and white sugar until smooth.  Beat in eggs.

4)  Gradually stir in sifted ingredients until well blended.  Mix in oats.  (An electric mixer makes this MUCH easier).

5)  Use small cookie dough scoop.  Bake 5-7 minutes.

6)  Immediately after removing from oven, lightly pat down the top of cookie with the back of a fork.  This gives that “bakery” look.