Parental Irresponsibility

I love Katy Perry.  Seriously…I do.  Her tunes are bouncy, she’s beautiful in that classic sort of way and she can rock a night brace like none other.  But did you know she used to have blonde hair, a different last name and sing Jesus songs?  Talk about the cross-over of all cross-overs!

Anyway…if you have a small kid you know that out of 5 million words in a day, they’ll hone right in on the nasty inappropriate ones…repeating them loudly in church, school and grocery store check-out lines;  meanwhile, you’re left standing there trying to defend your pathetic lack of parental monitoring.  When this happens, I usually blame the public school system.

For Cali’s first three years of life, the only television channel she watched was Noggin (pre-commercials).  It was also during this time that she ate oatmeal and eggs…and never begged for stupid toys that squirt cookie dough and glow-in-the-dark paint.  I can’t really pin-point the exact time we exposed her to the other televised programming for children.  All I know is that after that, she started swilling Bubba Cola, walking like a hunchback, picking her nose and wearing peculiar things upon her head.  She also refused to eat roughage.  Truth be told, she became plumb ignorant.

(See pics below for verification)

So back to Katy Perry.  My kid is also a big fan because I have my iPod chuck full of her tunes.  We’ll have the sunroof open, cruising down Slappey Boulevard, singing about extraterrestrials and fireworks.  It was during one of these jaunts that my iPod’s battery died and we were left with nothing but talking space.  So she’s back there, slurping on a Slurpee, looking like a hillbilly when she asks:

“Mama.  What’s a menage a trois?”


“A menage a trois.  Katy Perry talked about that’s what she could have might have did last Friday night.”


And in my most brilliant parental save-a-scene to date, I replied:

“Chinese food.  It’s Chinese food.  She had Chinese food last Friday night.”

Katy…consider yourself censored.


The Compassion of a Child

I try not to let my daughter sit around and watch CNN.  If she happens to be in the room when the evening local news comes on, she’ll walk away, saying “Too much dead and sad!”  But last week she happened to be in the room when CNN aired footage of the women and children starving over in Somalia…and I watched as a small piece of innocence fell away from my child’s heart.  I watched as confusion and worry began to furrow her brow.

In her pure and undiluted mind, babies without food was inconceivable.  I tried to explain it as best as I could.  That some very bad men were keeping the good people from bringing food to feed the mommies and babies.  “But all they are having is rotten rice!”  I could’ve given her the age-old speech:  You better clean your plate!  See…kids are starving in this world!  But I didn’t think it appropriate.  In five seconds, Cali had formulated a plan that made perfect sense and appeared to be a no-brainer.

“I’ll get a car with wheels that fly instead of roll…and I’ll fly really fast over to that world where those babies and mommies are starving and sick without their food.  Then I’ll hurry up and give them their food and leave very fast so the bad men can’t see me.”

Not once did she say “We should go kill those bad men!”  She just thought of a way to get around them.  This morning on the way to school, she was still talking about getting that flying car put together so she could get that food over there.  “I wish I could fly”, she said.

And I thought to myself…my child DOES fly.  She flies over the heads of cynical and bitter adults consumed with political ideals and mind-sets, religious dogma and self-righteous beliefs.  She doesn’t see all of the obstacles…she sees the way in…then through…then out.  That void left by lost innocence was quickly filled with pure compassion.

I totally see the Peace Corp in this kid’s future.

Genius in Silhouette

I don’t impress easily.  It’s true.  It’s not because I’m snotty…it’s more because I set the bar sky-high.  I’ve only been impressed with myself ONCE and that was making it through the birth canal with minimal damage.  There’s also very little I haven’t seen.  That whole “Curiosity Killed the Cat” is a crock.

So I was only half paying attention to that TV show “America’s Got Talent” when they announced an act called Silhouettes.  Like I said…I don’t impress easily.  But this group of 42 kids ranging in age from 3 to 18 blew my mind, yo.  BLEW IT!  And I cried.  I’ll admit it.  I wept.  The choreography was absolute genius these kids dance with more heart and soul than I’ve ever seen in my life.  It’s like 42 different bodies with one heart and mind.  It’s truly an experience to watch them.

So far they’ve done two acts that were nothing alike, yet equally amazing.  I think that speaks volumes of their raw talent.  Check out their performances and for the love of GOD, go vote for these kids next time they perform.  It’s not everyday you see something you’ve never seen before.  (Click on pics to watch videos)

The Redundancy of Depression

I want you to look good and hard at the above picture.  What would you say is going on here?  At first glance, you may say to yourself, “Oh, that’s a malpractice suit waiting to happen.”  Or…”Inappropriate physician behavior.”  I could proceed with a variety of possible scenarios, but WordPress would probably shut me down for inexcusable adult content.

Truth be told, this is the new ad campaign for Abilify.

ABILIFY® (aripiprazole) is a prescription medicine used to treat depression in adults as an add-on treatment to an antidepressant when an antidepressant alone is not enough.

Okaaay.  So what you’re trying to tell me is:

ABILIFY® (aripiprazole) is a prescription medicine that we invented to bamboozle the grown folk into believing Pill #1 is inferior and can’t POSSIBLY be effective because we chemically made it that way, unbeknownst to all ya’ll depressed jackasses out there.

Abilify’s original commercials showed middle aged adults slinking around the house in rumpled pajamas, crying over stacks of over-due credit card bills and not feeding the cat for days.  Apparently their demographic research was faulty.  So they put their swollen heads together and came up with a NEW commercial,  more kid-friendly.

So I decided to try a human behavior experiment.  I muted the commercial and made my 5 year old kid watch it, then give me her interpretation.  Here’s what she said:

“What kind of pet is that?  She should’ve bought a cute kitten.  But not a cat like Tess.  Tess is repressed.”

Tess is our cat.  A chronically DEPRESSED cat.  Cali’s interpretation of the word is REPRESSED.  (Is there even a difference?)

So in a round-about way, Cali somehow saw “depression” in that commercial.  Was it an intentional subliminal message or just a coincidence?  I shudder to think.  Either way, I struggle to grasp the intent.  Make meds friendlier?  More approachable?  Less scary?

I’ll tell you what’s scary.  That side-effect guy at the END of the commercial talking 500 mph and the only words you catch are “bloody stool” and “sudden drooling”.

I made a little movie about this very subject that will give you further insight into this new miracle-cure for the dysfunctional anti-depressant.

I give you…..Abilify vs. Cocaine!

A Free Mind Will Rest Follow (Yoda)

I came across this website that listed 50 questions that would free your mind.  There’s no right or wrong answer.  So.  I will now expose my mind via blog by answering 25 of the 50 questions.  I encourage you to do the same.  You’d be surprised at what you’re forced to reflect on.

1)  How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

I’d be the toddler who gets pissed at herself for falling down, but gets back up anyway.

2)  Which is worse, failing or never trying?

Never trying out of fear of failure.

3)  If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

Because the majority of people are victims of society; completely driven by the ego and forever striving to keep up with the status quo, losing the true sense of Self altogether.

4)  When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?

In my evolution, I’ve learned to scale back my rock ’em sock ’em fantasies and focus on my particular corner of the world where I’m perfectly capable to do what I say and say what I do.

5)  What’s the one thing you’d like to change about the world?

Money.  Take it all away and bring back the bartering system.  It would force us to get along with others and see that we all depend on each other for survival.

6)  If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

Creating with my hands.

7)  Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

I’m proud to say I’m doing exactly what I believe in…even though sometimes I doubt myself and my capabilities.

8.  If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you lived your life differently?

While most don’t understand this, I wouldn’t do anything differently.  I’m emotionally, mentally and physically at a place of completion and maintaining a holding pattern.  I’m 39.

9)  To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

I use a variety of divination tools to point me in the right direction and use my free will from there.  I lived the first half of my life completely lost.  I’ve seized THIS half of my life by the horns.

10)  Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

Most of the time, I’m more concerned with getting it right.  The hardest lesson for me  is to give up perfection and know when to move on.

11)  You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?

Exactly what Sandra Bullock did in the movie “The Blind Side”, when her friends began to unjustly ridicule Michael.  I’d say “Shame on all ya’ll”…then get up and pay the entire bill.

12)  If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

Try with all your might to remember the wisdom you came into this world with….and to maintain that sense of wonder throughout the remainder of your life.

13)  Would you break the law to save a loved one?

Absolutely, without a second thought.

14)  Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?

Yes.  I’m living it.

15)  What’s something you know you do differently than most people?

I see things in patterns and symbols.  You may see a stop-sign.  I see an octagon with eight sides.  Both the octagon and number 8 are symbols for regeneration, transition and infinity.  A reminder that we always have the ability to stop and start over.

16)  Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

Yes.  Pain associated with abandonment issues.  BUT!  I’m aware and working to release this.

17)  What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back?

Fear.  Fear of rejection.  Fear of failure.

18)  Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

I become worried when trying to find the joy in simplicity.

19)  What are you most grateful for?

Second chances.

20)  If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?

My children.

21)  What is the difference between being alive and truly living?


22)  When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?

When you feel the most lost and confused…that’s when it’s time to move forward.

23)  What would you do differently if you knew others would not judge you?

I’d come out of my house.

24)  If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?

No way….but I’ve have a swanky studio!

25)  Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?

Because religion originated with man.  True spirituality originated with God…who is Love.

Fairy Houses and Forest Animals

Oh yes I did….zee Fairy House project from days ago.  I couldn’t find real moss, so I bought a bag of moss, mkay?  Mkay…..I opened the bag and (excuse the crassness of what I’m about to say)…but it smelled like pre-packaged poop that had been sitting in a wooden bowl in the middle of the Sahara desert for approximately 10-12 weeks.  It was terrible.  Cali said no fairy in her right mind would live in the place, so I guess that’s why it’s on the sparse side.  Mentally ill fairies don’t need a lot of trivial knick-knacks and whatnot.  I wanted to trick the place out….but that MOSS!

I also whipped up a couple of forest animals…which were immediately swiped and mucked up by the resident short person.  I’m well aware that they look like two unemployed animals who have taken to drinking and eating snacks, but you get what you get.

So that’s it, then.  The kid is passed out on the floor so I’m going to run and drank me some Kool-Aid and eat me some of them Pop Tart mini chip things.


I came across these pics last night and just shook my head.  They were taken when Cali was about a year old….and I’d noticed her light was still on after I’d put her to bed.  When I opened the door, this is what I found:

Four years later and not much has changed except her shoe size.  God love her….