The Watermelon Fairy of 2011

Around August of every year, Cali and I sit down and she picks out the costume she wants me to make for Halloween.  This year?  A jacked-up watermelon fairy (see above).  Really, Cali?  A watermelon fairy?!  Not only that….I’m gonna have to make a pettiskirt.  Chiffon.  I hate sewing chiffon.  I curse the chiffon.  I’m not quite sure how I’m going to make those watermelon wings either.  I’m thinking wire, pantyhose and craft paint.  There’s a good chance she’s going to hit the streets looking like a hot mess on a tin plate.  Stay tuned for future progress.

Here are some of the costumes she passed on…thank gawd!  Don’t you wish you could dress like this every day?  I do.  I’d totally go to Publix dressed like a magical mermaid.  The majority of these costumes are available for purchase at Chasing Fireflies.

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Rudolph the Red Nosed Volvo

Whilst driving my kid to school this morning, I was cut off by a car decorated in the very same get-up pictured here.  I wanted to shield my child’s eyes but I couldn’t reach back there to her car-seat. Two thoughts immediately crossed my mind:

1)  You’re an idiot and probably eat lunch meat for breakfast while having devotions outlining the dangers of sinful living.

2)  At what point did you say to yourself, “Self.  It has become increasingly obvious that my main  mode of transportation needs to represent the joy of Christmas that is nestled within the folds and confines of my heart and soul.  By cracky, I’m thinking reindeer!”

…and then that particularly stupid person went HERE and purchased a reindeer car costume, As Seen On TV.

First of all….products  “Seen On TV” usually appeal to a particular breed of people that I try to avoid altogether.  You can spot them just about anywhere.  They like to haggle about prices in places like Walgreens and the Golden Corral.  Like they’re at a flea market or something.  Watching them discover a “Seen on TV” product is liken to watching a NASA spaceship make lift-off.  Or like when the caveman discovered he could make fire.

In a nutshell…..the fool who cut me off this morning fell hook, line and sinker for the overpriced, obnoxious car reindeer costume.  I plan on tracking this fool later this week.  It shouldn’t be hard, what with the costume and all.  And when I catch him…I’m going to show him the true meaning of Christmas.  That being ‘Giving’.  And what will I give, you may ask?

How ’bout a little “Hook Line and STINKER”…As Seen On TV.

I know some of you are frantically beside yourself to know where to find such a mind-blowing exhibition of novelty.  Pssst….over here.  $19.95 + shipping and handling for a never before seen low price of…hang on…gotta count on my fingers here….oh screw it.  It’s cheap.

So go on.  Make your purchase in the safety of your own home, saving yourself the shame of a public purchase.

I ain’t mad atcha.

Fancy Nancy Stuff

Cali’s Fancy Nancy Tea Party is this Sunday so I’m trying to finish up her fluff-wear.  I “embellished” one of her leotards and took two outgrown costumes, tore them apart, then put them back together for the top part of the tutu.  The green and pink tutu is made from scratch.  I still have stuff to do on it, but not much.  If I do any more, she’ll be looking like a tub of meringue.

Not sure what we’re going to do with her hair yet.  I’ll be lucky if I can run a brush through it before we walk out the door!