All kids lie. I know this. But when it becomes pathological and blatant…it’s disturbing. For instance: The pictures above? Yeah, I found those on my camera after my kid swore on her American Girl’s life and a stack of bibles that she had NOT touched my camera. Like I wouldn’t find this out?! And look at her snide little face! It’s insulting and condescending.
What’s it going to be like when she hits the tweens? I know I need to prepare for it…but most of my brain doesn’t want to imagine the type of lying scenarios that will likely go down.
“No, mom! I swear to Granny that I didn’t sneak out of the window last night and go hang out with a homeless man, who was NOT a stranger because he offered me something to drink.”
I take minimal comfort in knowing that I’m smarter than her. I think. But will I be one of those Mama Snoops? The ones who root through their kid’s drawers and pockets while they’re away at school. I don’t want to be that mom. But over the weekend, I came upon something while cleaning her room that jarred me to the bone.
She’s a slob. I won’t deny it. So I expected to find the usual junk. Stale cheerios, lip-gloss smeared all over the bookcase, Gushers with no gush in the middle.
What I did NOT expect to find were sugar packets hidden like bags of crack cocaine. I found close to 15 of them…hidden in the trunk of Strawberry Shortcake’s car, in the Squinkie gum-ball machine, up Tinker Bell’s dress, inside of a Happy Meal toy that was inside an old Christmas tin that was at the bottom of her toy-box. A few of them were shoved under the flaps of her Fisher Price pop-up book and I found the last few in Polly Pocket’s horse trailer.
I was appalled. Frightened. Befuddled. So as I’m standing there waving a sugar packet in front of her face, all I’m thinking is, “In a few years, this sugar packet is gonna be a fat bag of weed.”
Of course, she reminded me that these were mere allegations and ran outside to harass the cat. I used to worry about her being imprisoned for life due to her committing some whack and heinous crime. After witnessing her not-guilty plea to Mom vs. Liar, I’m convinced she could hoodwink the most experienced and seasoned prosecutor on the circuit. With aplomb.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my kid. But she’s killing me, people….and there ain’t nothin’ soft about it.
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