So where are YOU on a scale between shifty-eyed evader and unblinking intimidator? I’d like to say I’m somewhere in between. Pretty much right around the “Stink Eye” marker. In my youth, I was told that my glare could melt stone…but I’ve mellowed out in my old age. Now my glare only melts ice and I make actual eye contact with people.
Truth be told, the type of “eye” you give or get depends on the situation at hand. For instance, if you let one rip during Wednesday night communion, then you will get a grab-bag of nasty looks. If you believe you have magical powers and can re-arrange someone’s face from a distance, then chances are you’re an Unblinking Intimidator. It’s easy to spot the Shifty-Eyed Evaders. Just shine a flash-light in their face and ask them where they were on the night of May 12, 1985, at approximately 10:42 pm.
I will now share with you my top ten facial expressions that I use on a frequent basis.
1. The Blank Stare
2. The Petulant Pout
3. The Grisly Grimace
4. The Sho-Nuff Snobby
5. The Snarky Snarl
6. The Aggravated Because You Just Did Something Holy Stupid look
7. The Nonchalant Side Glance
8. The Irked & Irate Wide-Eyed Combo
9. The Disgusted Snortle
10. The Contempt Crusher…reserved for Mediacom and the Credit Bureau.