The Watermelon Fairy of 2011

Around August of every year, Cali and I sit down and she picks out the costume she wants me to make for Halloween.  This year?  A jacked-up watermelon fairy (see above).  Really, Cali?  A watermelon fairy?!  Not only that….I’m gonna have to make a pettiskirt.  Chiffon.  I hate sewing chiffon.  I curse the chiffon.  I’m not quite sure how I’m going to make those watermelon wings either.  I’m thinking wire, pantyhose and craft paint.  There’s a good chance she’s going to hit the streets looking like a hot mess on a tin plate.  Stay tuned for future progress.

Here are some of the costumes she passed on…thank gawd!  Don’t you wish you could dress like this every day?  I do.  I’d totally go to Publix dressed like a magical mermaid.  The majority of these costumes are available for purchase at Chasing Fireflies.

Parental Irresponsibility

I love Katy Perry.  Seriously…I do.  Her tunes are bouncy, she’s beautiful in that classic sort of way and she can rock a night brace like none other.  But did you know she used to have blonde hair, a different last name and sing Jesus songs?  Talk about the cross-over of all cross-overs!

Anyway…if you have a small kid you know that out of 5 million words in a day, they’ll hone right in on the nasty inappropriate ones…repeating them loudly in church, school and grocery store check-out lines;  meanwhile, you’re left standing there trying to defend your pathetic lack of parental monitoring.  When this happens, I usually blame the public school system.

For Cali’s first three years of life, the only television channel she watched was Noggin (pre-commercials).  It was also during this time that she ate oatmeal and eggs…and never begged for stupid toys that squirt cookie dough and glow-in-the-dark paint.  I can’t really pin-point the exact time we exposed her to the other televised programming for children.  All I know is that after that, she started swilling Bubba Cola, walking like a hunchback, picking her nose and wearing peculiar things upon her head.  She also refused to eat roughage.  Truth be told, she became plumb ignorant.

(See pics below for verification)

So back to Katy Perry.  My kid is also a big fan because I have my iPod chuck full of her tunes.  We’ll have the sunroof open, cruising down Slappey Boulevard, singing about extraterrestrials and fireworks.  It was during one of these jaunts that my iPod’s battery died and we were left with nothing but talking space.  So she’s back there, slurping on a Slurpee, looking like a hillbilly when she asks:

“Mama.  What’s a menage a trois?”

A WHAT THE WHAT?!

“A menage a trois.  Katy Perry talked about that’s what she could have might have did last Friday night.”

*crickets*

And in my most brilliant parental save-a-scene to date, I replied:

“Chinese food.  It’s Chinese food.  She had Chinese food last Friday night.”

Katy…consider yourself censored.

Fairy Houses and Forest Animals

Oh yes I did….zee Fairy House project from days ago.  I couldn’t find real moss, so I bought a bag of moss, mkay?  Mkay…..I opened the bag and (excuse the crassness of what I’m about to say)…but it smelled like pre-packaged poop that had been sitting in a wooden bowl in the middle of the Sahara desert for approximately 10-12 weeks.  It was terrible.  Cali said no fairy in her right mind would live in the place, so I guess that’s why it’s on the sparse side.  Mentally ill fairies don’t need a lot of trivial knick-knacks and whatnot.  I wanted to trick the place out….but that MOSS!

I also whipped up a couple of forest animals…which were immediately swiped and mucked up by the resident short person.  I’m well aware that they look like two unemployed animals who have taken to drinking and eating snacks, but you get what you get.

So that’s it, then.  The kid is passed out on the floor so I’m going to run and drank me some Kool-Aid and eat me some of them Pop Tart mini chip things.

Bouncy Ball Kit: I Approve!

About a year ago, Cali picked out a $5 “activity kit” from Hobby Lobby.  The box claimed you could make bouncy balls in just a couple of minutes.  Really? I highly doubted it.  But it worked….and it was AWESOME! (I said that in a sing-song voice)

So awesome, in fact, that Santa brought her the deluxe mega kit for Christmas.  Since it’s 103 degrees outside today, we pulled out the balls and let the good times roll.  Here’s how we did it.  If you want some of your own, go here.

Strange

I came across these pics last night and just shook my head.  They were taken when Cali was about a year old….and I’d noticed her light was still on after I’d put her to bed.  When I opened the door, this is what I found:

Four years later and not much has changed except her shoe size.  God love her….

Summer Vacation and Low Expectations

First day of summer vacation here.  When I say “vacation”, I mean the kid is out of school and in need of food and festivities.  Cali is one of those kids who has to be engaged from the rooter to the tooter; otherwise, she’s like one of those “Lord of the Flies” kids.

Every summer vacation starts the same.  Planning the calendar, scheduling stuff, making treats.  But after the 5th day in, I’m usually screaming, “Dear god make the pain go away!!”  And Cali is screaming, “I hate you and want new parents and a mansion!”

So this year I’ve set my expectations rather low.  I accept that I’m not one of those Bloggy Moms who appear to lead perfect lives via their websites.  I like to tell myself that they drink heavily behind the scenes and wear girdles.  I also accept that my kid isn’t one of the angels from a GAP commercial who skips and smiles.

So maybe this summer will be better, what with the bar set so low and all.  It’s 8 a.m. and Cali is out there in the pool jabbering loudly to the dog….no doubt making ALL the neighbors clap with delight.  Ordinarily this would bother me.  Today, it does not.  I went outside in boxers and no make-up.  Ordinarily THIS would bother me…but today it does not.  May have something to do with the PMS.  It’s hard to say for sure.

At any rate….here’s what’s on today’s agenda:

*  Construct a fairy house

*  Try to keep Cali from eating all the Jello cups in one sitting

That’s pretty much it.  I’ll post pics later to document my success or failure.  Hopefully by then I’ll have pants and make-up on.

Brilliantly Cheap Chair Covers!

Here’s what confuses me.  Why in tarnation are bath towels and chair covers so flipping expensive?!  I’m talking about the chair covers for party times and weddings.  I shopped around last year for my daughter’s birthday party and nearly soiled myself at the sheer magnitude of the cost.  Even the rentals were stupid!

So I sat around for about a week looking like the “Thinker” sculpture.  I thought of everything…sewing them myself.  Uh no.  Too much work and stress.  Crepe paper.  Nah…too fragile.  Table covers?  Too slippery.  Pillowcases?  Hmm.  That could work.  That could work!!

So I went to Sam’s Club and bought a case of 24 white Riegel pillowcases for $30, then trotted over to Michaels and got a couple rolls of tulle ($10 each) and ran home with my fingers and toes crossed.  How ’bout the pillowcases were a perfect fit for your standard rental folding chair?!  Who knew?!  Plus they were mine to keep for future party times!

And here’s the final result!  On a side note, 90% of the party decor was loot from the Dollar Store!